I'm feeling a bit silly now. I DO have the deluxe model. I'm not really a Geek in Training and should be relegated back to Noob status. Does Asus REALLY have this many Z77 boards?!?! There's actually more than 1 version or their m-ITX model? I thought 'Deluxe' was just a marketing term to get guys like me to spend $50 over the AsRock board.
FWIW - I ran through the options you suggested and met with the same stomach-punch outcome. You've been so exceptionally kind, is there a special thread I can go to, sort of like a 'timeout' for noobs?